Anise's Happy Little World of Creativity

Hey, here's the rant that was promised over on FIA! ;) Well, maybe it's not exactly a rant. Anyway, here's some musing on why Ginny didn't react well (to say the least) to finding out that Draco was a demon. If you haven't read NYL, this obviously has some spoilers.


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It doesn’t excuse any character’s behavior, but from my POV, the wizarding world does have some very unreasoning prejudices, and this idea is far from absent from the books as well. For instance, in the HP Aniseworld, there’s a horrible prejudice against mental illness and anybody who’s ever been in a mental institution, beyond even the amount that exists in the Muggle world, which is still pretty considerable. Diatribe Ahead: But this didn't come from thin air rather than from the source material, either. When you think about it, where is mental illness in the HP books? Why is it that we read about plenty of people who went to St. Mungo’s for all sorts of other things and were cured, but the people who have the closest things resembling mental illnesses (Lockheart and the Longbottoms) are presented as pitiful, a little scary, and impossible to help? And this is just the Long-Term Spell Damage ward. Where are the wizards and witches who really do have mental illnesses- - bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or borderline personality disorder, or even depression or anxiety disorders? Why are they totally absent from the books, when JKR herself has admitted that she has suffered from major depression in the past (although frankly, she seems more Bipolar II to me.) It is just too hard for me to believe that there isn't a single DSM-IV diagnosis to be found in the wizarding world. The magical characters in HP have always been presented in a very matter-of-fact way, and magical powers certainly haven't been defined in a way that would lead anybody to believe that wizards and witches are somehow exempt from mental illness.

Well, we really don’t know why this is never dealt with in the books when much darker details made it in, but the idea I came up with does at least make logical sense: that the wizarding world has this extreme prejudice against mental illness, to the point where it's never mentioned and someone like Harry would probably never have found about it as a child and teenager.

Anyway, the point of all this is that in this fic, wizards and witches also have a very deep and massive fear of demons. They know that demons are real (well, in this reality anyway!), and they’re terrified by what they don’t understand. Ginny in particular has had this belief rubbed into her since early childhood, and she’s never had any reason to even question it before. That’s why she rejected Draco in the last chapter, but instantly regretted it.

Yes, I'm actually posting something here, which is almost beyond belief, I know. :P However, I put a link to this on FIA, because I didn't really think that was the most appropriate place to post it. Here it is!

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A/N: You know, when it comes to that epilogue, I think that everybody has to make up his/her/its own mind about it. Personally, though, I feel that it has exactly the same problems now that it did when we first read it a year ago. Sometimes a piece of writing improves simply because readers go back to it and find things they didn't find the first time; I don't think that epilogue fits this description.

There's one thing that really, really bothers me about it, and it has nothing to do with this or that pairing happening or not happening. Nor is it because it really would have more interesting to read something about the future of the characters besides the list of "begats"; if all I want to see is who married whom and what their kids' names were, I'll read the second half of the book of Genesis. The real problem, I think, is that the epilogue really didn't make sense in terms of what had been written in the books. There was no federal law that it had to be written so that it did make sense, but to write something that is so disconnected from the rest of the books (setting aside any problems with DH or any of the other books themselves, for example) bothers me a lot.

Understand, I'm not exactly saying that such a popular author who's written books that inspired so many people has some kind of duty to at least write a logical ending after stringing fans along by constantly promising it for years on end and constantly throwing out tidbits of information that were never actually in the books. I do believe this. But there's also a reasonable argument that this duty doesn't truly exist if we're talking about what the author owed to an audience.

No, for me, the real problem with that epilogue is that because it does not really make sense in terms of the way the seven books have been written, because it is clearly something that was written many years ago (as JKR herself says) and was essentially not changed to reflect anything that had happened to plot, character, or themes in the entire series, then this means that it does not honor the creative process or the discipline of writing. Writers know how hard it is to get published and how hard it is to find a reading audience. I know this all too well! So we have to believe that these ideals mean something important. We have to write in a way that respects ourselves and our audience-- if lightning has actually struck and we have the incredible, unbelievable, indescribably improbable luck to have an audience. Otherwise, we're just giving up on our own talent and settling for being less than we can be, and, yes, we are insulting anybody who paid money for our books.

Anyway! That's enough of my two cents' worth! :)

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Wow, I sure don't write in this thing very often.

So... I can't write very much right now. I never was very good at pouring out my personal feelings in any kind of diary, to be honest. Just... I need some strength sent my way. I just need to get through this thing, with some grace, some building of myself. That's all I'm going to say.

Hi all! Wow, I haven't posted in this thing for a long time. I KNEW it was going to happen that way... well, anyway. ;) Part Two of the Film Essay of Doom is now UP!!! Check it out at:

http://www.dracoandginny.com/viewstory.php?sid=3300&textsize=0&chapter=7

Well, actually it starts at Chapter 6. But Chapter 7 is where it actually starts to have highly shippy implications. Chapter 8 goes up tomorrow, which is actually Part 3 of Part Two of the Essay. (Confused yet?) Anyway, here's an excerpt:

Finally, we get to the reason why it matters that H/G isn’t foreshadowed in OotP, and hasn’t been in any other HP film. As Boorstin states,“the director and the producer may get caught up in their art, but studio executives are implacably committed to their audience.” If viewers are going to believe that the H/G relationship is meant to be genuine, lasting, real, and the final pairing, then it needs to be foreshadowed onscreen and in publicity materials. This has nothing to do with art, and everything to do with commerce. The audience will feel both cheated and confused by H/G that comes out of nowhere in the sixth film. Audiences that feel this way don’t spend as much money on tickets, DVD’s, merchandising, action figures, Lego re-creations of Hogwarts, admission to theme parks, fiberglass copies of Harry’s wand, and cake pans shaped like Dobby’s head. This is a situation that studios do everything they can to avoid. At this point, however, H/G has nowhere to come from. Filmmakers can’t pull a believable rabbit out of the hat when there is no rabbit in the hat.

Yippee skippee! That long-promised Film Essay of Doom is DONE!!! Well, okay, Part One is done. :) It's at:

http://www.dracoandginny.com/viewstory.php?sid=3300&textsize=0&chapter=5

And here's a snippet from the beginning::



Chasing Canon: J. K. Rowling’s Unprecedented Creative
Control Over Hollywood, and What It Really Means

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In terms of the Harry Potter fandom, ‘canon’ has been traditionally defined as the body of written works directly produced by the author, J. K. Rowling, as well as the literal words of her actual interview statements as published or broadcast. As anyone can promptly glean from a quick perusal of any fansite, canon is also the wellspring from which our myriad speculations flow. We can argue endlessly about differing interpretations of this canon, but what is and remains immutable is the source material itself. Defined in this way, the question of what is (and is not) considered canon material seems very simple. But is it?

There is another source of information about the Potterverse besides J.K. Rowling’s direct writings and statements, and universal confusion has always reigned in the fandom about how to deal with this source and define its nature. It is the visual body of work adapted from the books. While this has occasionally been taken to include Mary GranPre’s illustrations, it will here be defined exclusively and solely as the five films that have been produced by the Warner Bros. studios-- Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. (The abbreviations SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, and OotP will be used when referring to the films. To avoid confusion, they will be differentiated from the book titles in always being italicized.)

And yet, what are the films? What relationship do they really bear to the books? When we see certain aspects of plot, narrative, and character interactions emphasized while others are downplayed—both to a degree that was necessarily nearly so clear in the source material—what do these changes mean? The release date of OotP is essentially one week before the release of the seventh and final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. So if we see changes from the source material in the fifth film, are we justified in reading them as hints and foreshadowings for what is to come in the seventh book? In short, do the films represent a kind of canon—or are they only some sort of cinematic fanfic? Is expanding the fandom definition of canon to somehow include the films an action justified by the available evidence?

That is the question that will be explored in this essay. However, we will not only muse on possibilities; we will search for answers. And we will find that both direct and circumstantial evidence for a definite answer is startlingly strong—and that the answer is unquestionably a “yes”.


“When all is said and done, "canon” could perhaps be best and most accurately defined simply as material over which the author maintains control. So the central question is whether or not J. K. Rowling can be proven to have had considerable control over the content of the films from the very beginning. If she has, then we can justifiably apply some sort of canon definition to the films; if she has not, then we can’t. And what we find is that J.K. Rowling’s case represents a shocking departure in virtually every detail from the Hollywood norm (which is outlined in a separate and lengthy footnote to this essay for those readers who would like to see more detailed evidence of what the norm has actually always been.)

No matter where we look, we find evidence that Rowling has had a staggeringly large amount of creative control all along, and that this is shown in a multitude of provable ways, both in terms of factual news events, and in logical deduction from the actual content of the finished cinematic product. This phenomenon is not only unusual; its degree is probably also unprecedented. And it has been noted as such by the popular press, the scholarly press, the business press, the academic press, the film criticism press, and finally the film industry press. In short, as we shall see, my hypothesis that J.K. Rowling has continuously had remarkable creative control over the film adaptations of her books can be proven not only beyond a reasonable doubt, but beyond all doubt. We will see that book content has been changed for the films only in order to streamline certain elements to meet the demands of cinematic narrative. However, no book content that actually materially affects plot, characterization, theme, or the relationships between characters has been changed for any of the films—except for two very specific, and recurring, instances. In one of the two cases, scenes, dialog, and character’s behavior have all been repeatedly changed in each film; in the second case, none of this had the opportunity to happen until the fifth film, when, from all reports, it most decidedly has. None of this has occurred in ways that in and of themselves shortened length or streamlined cinematic narrative, and so it could not have been required for the same reasons that the standard minor changes were required. Because of Rowling’s control, this means that the two major recurring changes cannot have been made without Rowling’s consent. As some people believe, this may well have some extraordinary implications for the content of her seventh and final book in the Potter series.

Here's that essay that was promised on ARGH! Actually, it's a piece of the much much longer essay, Chasing Canon: How J. K. Rowling’s Unprecedented Creative Control Has Changed the Face of Film Adaptations

Or

What’s Dan Got to Do With Harry?


Flames will be used to... well,you know, I don't allow anonymous comments. So there go the flames, pretty much.




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Regarding OotP, there has been much speculation over the meaning of certain omitted and condensed elements of this extremely dense and difficult-to-film book. Michael Goldenberg himself reportedly stated on April 9th that:
“in terms of plot elements, characters, locations, and dialogue, OOTP will be the most lenient in keeping true to the source material.” (“New OotP Details.”) And we also see in the same article that reportedly “J.K. Rowling was not happy with some of the omissions that were made that may "come back to haunt the next film adaptations,’” and that she proposes literally being a co-scriptwriter in future films.

The first problem with interpreting these statements, of course, is that Goldenberg’s statements were not made as part of a normal interview and were repeated third-hand (and even fourth-hand in the case of Rowling’s quotes.) There is no tape recording or transcript, and no reporter was present. In that way, this article is quite different from any other that was used as source material for this essay. Some question certainly exists about the reliability of a source like this, but its existence does raise questions that need to be answered. Therefore, this is an issue that does need to be put into the proper context to the greatest degree possible, even though we need to keep in mind that there is no way to be sure of the context of these quotes, or even of precisely what was actually said and not said.
The most interesting part of all, of course, is that WB is denying this story entirely, which does put a different slant on it. We don't know if the conversation on which this article was based even happened or not, and the controversy about it will likely go on. However, this essay portion is a recap of what we do know given what is printed in this article.

On first reading, these statements would seem to support the view that control has somehow mysteriously slipped from J. K. Rowling’s hands when it comes to the adaptations of her books, and that Michael Goldenberg is cackling in evil fashion as he mutilates the most important aspects of her source material. On reading the commentary left by readers of this article, it certainly seems that this is the impression quite a few people have received. However, this point of view is not something that can be logically supported by the available evidence, even if we are only dealing with the evidence from the article itself-- and the truth of this is magnified a hundredfold when we turn to the question of H/G.

There are really two issues at hand. The first is the nature of the material that was left out, and the reasons why it was omitted. However, the second, which is at least as important, is the difference between deleted material that forms a continuum with previous films—in other words, material of a very specific kind that has always gone missing onscreen, no matter who the scriptwriter or even the director has been—and deleted material that does not fit this description. These are issues that need to be examined in some detail, but we find that most of the answers are actually in the interview itself, brief as it is.

To begin with, why was so much material apparently cut? The clue is in the second half of the “most lenient” statement, which runs: “he (Goldenberg) reasons that because the book was so dense, it was amazingly difficult to try and find the structure of a 2-and-a-half hour movie without having to combine character roles and places in order to maintain a sense of narrative drive.” This quote is absolutely key to understanding why Goldenberg made the very specific decisions that he did about what to cut in his script. OotP was not an easy book to film. A great many sub-plots and fascinating, fun details had to be cut because of the restrictions of film narrative and the impossibility of making films sixteen hours long.

A great deal of information about what was cut and what was retained is available from detailed reviews of pre-screenings of OotP. Because of this, we can certainly see that a lot of subplots were cut. Although we do not yet know what the final edit will contain, at this time, there is no St. Mungo’s scene, no Quidditch, no “Weasley is Our King,” no Molly’s boggart, no Petunia’s Howler, no Marietta Edgecombe, no long or detailed Marauder’s scene, no lion hat on Luna, no prefects, no Phineas Nigellus, no Mundungus Fletcher, no Michael Corner, and no brain room or locked room at the DoM. There is a changed role for Cho; she is now the betrayer of the DA, quite a few events involving the DA are subtly changed, the twins’ “leaving Hogwarts” scene is considerably condensed, Ron’s role is pretty minor onscreen, Luna’s role has been expanded and she has been inserted into scenes where she had no presence in the book, and Hermione is sometimes given the lines that belong to other characters. And, as we all know, there is no “Lucky You” or “chocolate in the library” scene, and no H/G foreshadowing. Yet as Melissa Anelli notes in her review, “Condensing a book of near 900 pages into a film of tolerable length would be a challenge…. Yes, there are deep cuts, but the heart of the story is faithfully represented.” So the questions are what was cut for time constraints, what was changed in order to more clearly foreshadow the coming narrative in HBP and DH, and what the changes might have been that Rowling did not like—or, at least, what changes can be ruled out as fitting this description.

There are two keys to answering all of these questions. The first is that none of these decisions were made randomly. We clearly see this in Goldberg’s statement that “he personally nicknamed the third draft of the screenplay "Harry Scissorhands" because he went through the 168 pages and excised any scene that did not directly involve Harry and/or Voldemort.” Now, this particular fact is vital, because all of the changes made in the movie fit neatly into this category except the ones involving Harry-Ginny interaction. Both “Lucky You” and “chocolate in the library” certainly involve Harry, and “Lucky You” involves both Harry and Voldemort, since the point of the entire discussion is that both Ginny and Harry were possessed by him. Ginny’s character is certainly still present; she is with the group at the DoM, just as she is in the book, and according to reviews, her character is shown as possessing magical power. What has been cut, however, is apparently anything that could be remotely said to foreshadow H/G.

Still, the argument could be made, and is currently being made, that Goldenberg pranced about with a pair of scissors and merrily cut up Rowling’s plot for his own amusement, and that H/G foreshadowing merely got caught in the melee. However, the proof that this is not so is actually within the article itself. Goldenberg “mentioned that in late 2004 he took the liberty to write a new scene between Harry and Snape that eerily predicted events in both Half-Blood Prince and, according to Rowling's notes, Book 7; so much so that he felt it be best to leave it out of the final shooting script.” This is the sentence that gives the show away. Goldenberg’s scene was eliminated from the final script of OotP because he had inside knowledge about the precise contents of both HBP (unpublished at that point, of course,) and even DH. Because of this knowledge, he made the decision to change what he had written because of its problematic effects on future events in the series. (It’s also quite possible that J.K. Rowling put her foot down on this issue, as all evidence points to her having done all along with book elements that are vital to the films.)

Since Goldenberg knew what was coming in both books for Harry and Snape’s future decisions and interactions in both HBP and DH as far back as late 2004, he certainly knew that H/G was on its way. The relationship exists in the sixth book, and he already had information about the contents of the seventh book. Yet according to all reports, he chose to delete every bit of onscreen material of any kind when it came to foreshadowing this relationship. So there is no way to logically reconcile this fact with the idea that the particular cut that Rowling did not like had anything to do with H/G.

Because of all of these facts, when we put all of this information together, a logical picture emerges.

As we saw in the (partial) list of what had been changed from book to film, there is a very large number of other script changes to choose from here. In the same article, Goldenberg “candidly predicted that this would probably be the least favorite of the films because most of the fun, non-Harry material was left out.” Also, as has been stated, the Goldenberg/J.K. Rowling axing of his Snape/Harry scene for OotPcould not have happened without Goldenberg having been let in on her story arc through the last two books in the series. The most likely hypothesis, then, is that Rowling was none too overjoyed about having to share her secrets with a new scriptwriter. No author likes to see her source material get the axe, either, and it certainly looks as if J.K. Rowling had to endure much more of this behavior from Goldenberg than with Kloves in any of the four previous film adaptations. All of the choices about inclusion and exclusion, however, were made in the context of seven years of J.K. Rowling’s remarkable control over the films. And as the same article notes, she and Goldenberg communicated extensively during the first month of scriptwriting, when all of the basic choices about inclusion and exclusion were made. Rowling most likely disagreed with him about the importance of including a particular piece of information—perhaps the length of the Marauders’ scene, or Phineas Nigellus, or Petunia’s Howler (my favorite theory.) And one comes away with the feeling that a personality clash may well have been involved.


The most convincing proof of all for this hypothesis is that exactly the same sorts of script choices concerning Ginny’s character have consistently been made in SS, CoS, PoA, and GoF. However, Michael Goldenberg had absolutely nothing to do with these films. Steve Kloves was the scriptwriter. Every conceivable opportunity to show H/G foreshadowing was eliminated and/or changed in the first four films to remove any content that could remotely be interpreted in this way, and Rowling had nothing but glowing comments to make about the scripts and finished movies in all four instances. If her current issue had anything to do with the H/G cuts, it is impossible to avoid the conclusion that she would have made objections long before this. She had four movies to do so, four movies in which exactly the same kinds of cuts consistently happened again and again and again, and she has never said a word on the subject.

In fact, OotP's Hary-Luna scenes, whatever they may mean for H/L in DH, are potent proof that Rowling was not referring to the missing H/G scenes in her criticism. The quote is, after all, that “J.K. Rowling was not happy with some of the omissions that were made (emphasis added.)" But Harry-Luna scenes were included onscreen rather than being omitted. We know that at least one (Harry and Luna walking alone in the woods) was actually added specifically for the film and did not exist as an H/L scene in the book at all. Goldenberg certainly had to have known that Harry and Luna do not become involved romantically in HBP, and (as noted earlier)that Harry and Ginny do. Yet not only did he cut any scene that might have been interpreted as H/G foreshadowing, he both added scenes not in the book and added H/L content to existing book scenes. The effect of the choices made for H/L interaction will be to seem to foreshadow H/L, without doubt. A viewer who has not read the books (and the population in this group is astonishingly large) cannot come away with any other impression. What is far more sigificant in terms of H/G, however, is that it pulls the viewer's attention away from any possibility of foreshadowing for that relationship. And yet Rowling's quote referred only to omission and not to addition. Nor was it phrased as "“J.K. Rowling was not happy with some of the changes that were made," which could have included any type of change. There is no way around the sticky fact that Rowling was very clearly referring only to content that was cut. If there were any possibility she meant the missing H/G, she would not have used the term "omission," as the inclusion of Harry/Luna scenes causes at least as many problems for H/G as omission of its own foreshadowing does. So this is the last nail in the coffin for any theory that Rowling could have been referring to H/G.



We really can’t know exactly what Rowling was referring to in her comments about cuts in OotP; we don’t have the necessary information available at this time. However, for all the reasons stated above, our only logical conclusion is that they had nothing to do with the lack of Harry-Ginny interactions that existed in the book. The opposite conclusion simply cannot be rationally drawn from available evidence.

Hi all... (waves)

Well, I'm taking my NCBTMB exam on Monday. YAY!!!!!

Even in the midst of the insanity, I'm working on KC... one and a half new chapters done. :) Lately, I like to wait until there are more ready, though, before posting anything. I really don't know how long this will end up being. 100 chapters seem unlikely to quite cover it, although I do know exactly what's going to happen from here on out.

Oh, and... you know, I've never liked using this thing as a confessional, so feel free to skip this next part.

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(can't remember how to do cuttext...)
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(even more space...)

(just skip on ahead if you don't want to read this...)












I went to two doctors and spent a lot of money getting evaluated, and I'm now on psychotropic medication just like everyone else!! (waves banner around.) It was the peer pressure... it got to me...

Seriously, it's a long story. However, I have now been officially diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and given a full page of medication dosing instructions for the next month. I'm supposed to try different dosages of four medications, and it's possible that we'll add more. I'm starting with Focalin, and will move on to Daytrana, Adderall, and Strattera. It's weird. I never thought it would come to this. I've ALWAYS avoided medication. But there comes a time... well, anyway, I'm not getting into it on LJ. It's been two days, and so far, so good! :)

[/personal confession time!]

Happy Turkey Day to All! :)

I'm cooking most of Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Everything will be gluten-free, sugar-free, artifical sweetener-free, yeast-free, soy-free, and lactose-free. In other words, we'll be eating salt soup. ;)
But seriously, there's a LOT you can do with that. I made cranapple sauce and apple almond pie, rice stuffing and artichoke dip already, and tomorrow I'm doing the turkey and gravy. Oh, and a bunch of chapters of KC went to my beta!!! I wrote one additional a nd... okay, as a Thanksgiving present, I'll post a cookie!!

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“I want to talk about the last night I spent with you, Draco,” she said. “I touched you. Do you remember?”

“As if I could ever forget,” he said.

“And you wanted to touch me. But I wouldn’t let you. If you had, I couldn’t have left you,” she said.

“I couldn’t have let you go,” he said.

“I’ve dreamed of it,” she said. “Night after night. Of how it would have been if I had let you, I mean. You wrote me those letters… and the dreams became more and more, um, detailed.” She gave a nervous little laugh. “You know, I really can almost imagine you standing there, Draco, listening to every word I say… anyway… did you dream about that as well?”

“Yes,” he said. He could hear his own voice growing huskier and deeper.

“You’re not really here,” she said, almost sadly. “You can’t really touch me. But…” Her hands went to the tie again, deftly, surely. She pulled it and the robe fell to the floor. “But I can touch myself.” She wore a green lace nightgown, very short. His mouth went dry at the sight of it.

“Do you like this, Draco?” she asked. “I saw it at a little shop in Diagon Alley the last time I was there. I bought it for this, just for this.” She twirled. The skirt whirled out and showed every inch of her long creamy legs.

“Yes,” he croaked. “I like it. Now take it off.”

Hey y'all!

I'm starting to get nervous about the NCBTMB exam. It's the national massage exam, which Tennessee now requires. I've studied the review books for it, but according to my friends who've taken it, there are about a gazillion questions on Asian modalities, which is NOT what the review books lead you to believe. There are dark rumors about the national boards trying to make people fail in order to make more money by forcing them to retake it. Anyway, I'm doing my best!!

And four chapters of KC are now DONE!!!! I might wait until I have a few more, as I am kinda on a roll. Oh golly, but the last chapter was a tad bit smutty. Let's just say that Draco and Ginny are going to end up playing some naughty games with each other... ;)

Hey y'all!

Wow, I'm busy and tired... I worked 16 hours at the polls on Tuesday. Our brand-new-voting machine operator, who held all the impenetrable secrets of the voting machines, called in sick. So it was interesting, but we got everyone in who wanted to vote!

Now, I said that I wouldn't talk politics in this LJ, and I MEAN it. As usual, William Rivers Pitt says it all: http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/110906Z.shtml

Yay for democracy!! (That's pretty innocuous, isn't it? ;)

Anyway, KCOtDT is chugging slowly along. More out soon!

Hey, y'all... it's been a while since anything new got posted on KCOtDT, but you wouldn't believe how crazy everything has been. I will spare everyone the dreary details. Anyway, I have two chapters done, and I'm working on a third... Here's a little cookie...


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Dear Ginny,

How are you? I am doing quite well. The weather is remarkably pleasant here, with several hours of sunshine today, and fair skies at the moment. I have a view from the window of my room, which looks out over the—

Draco crumpled the parchment up into a ball and tossed it against the wall, where it fell into the wastepaper basket. Then he rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to tamp down the indefinable simmering feelings in his chest.

It was nearly two weeks after everyone from the Ministry had left the island, including Ginny. Draco had grown a bit thinner, mostly from wandering the corridors during his sleepless nights. He had already written several letters to Ginny, and all of them had been along the same lines as the one he had just ruined. None of them had been sent. He stared bleakly out of the window at the grey sea.

Draco had received nothing from her, and he had a strange, very sure feeling that she wouldn’t send a letter until he did. So he needed to send one, and soon. Somehow, he could never bring himself to finish the sort of rubbish that he had been writing for the past fortnight. Yet what would be the point of letting her know what was really going on in his head? What earthly good could it do? He had to be strong, to keep a stiff upper lip, to get on with the business of getting through the next five months. But he hadn’t been doing a very good job so far.

He tapped the quill against his chin. He couldn’t tell her the truth about what was really going on with him here. He wouldn’t do it… no…

Thick, dark letters slanted across the paper before he even realized that he had begun to write.

Dear Ginny,

I had another nightmare about Stonehenge last night. But that’s right, I forgot—you didn’t know I was having them. I never told you about the first one. I dreamed I was standing before the door that leads to the keystone room, the room where Voldemort was killed, the one that Scrimgeour was trying to get into on that horrible day. And I knew that you were in there, Ginny, and that you were in dreadful danger. The only way I could save you was by getting into the room. Yet I didn’t want to, and I think the reason was because there was a voice whispering in my ear and telling me to do it. I didn’t trust that voice. I never have. I keep having that dream, Ginny, and it’s always the same, exactly the same.

I haven’t been sleeping much. I wander the corridors at night, nearly every night. I’m allowed to do that now. I’m allowed to do pretty much anything I want to. But I don’t seem to want to do much of anything, since I watched the Night Ferry sail away with you on board… I haven’t been able to talk to Snape since you left. Crabbe keeps telling me that he’s still too sick to receive visitors. I don’t know if he’s telling me the truth. But I can’t believe I wouldn’t know if he had… I mean, if he had become so ill that… well, never mind.

Anyway, I’ve been moved to a much nicer room, with no bars on the window and no lock on the door. Sometimes I sit in the window seat and look out at the ocean, and the moon. I ‘m doing that now. There’s a little pale crescent moon in the late afternoon sky. This is the room I hoped I would get. But I never imagined it without you, Ginny. I want you here with me. I want it so much that I can’t clearly remember wanting anything else, ever. I want to make love to you, but if I can’t do that, I just want to bury my nose in your hair and smell that scent of jasmine and violets, the one that belongs only to you. I want to feel your skin. I want—

Draco yanked his hand off the paper, leaving a wild scrawl trailing off the edge. He crumpled up the parchment into a ball and hurled it across the room, to join the rest in the overflowing rubbish basket. He felt his head sinking into his hands on the desk. Something hot and painful was bubbling up inside him, and he shook with the effort of containing it. Ginny, he thought over and over again. Dear Ginny. Ginny, my dear. My… Ginny, Ginny, Ginny…

So I started working on KCotDT again! :)

I know how Chapter 70 has to go... and after that, it's easy. No cookies yet, sorry. But we do get to find out more from Snape, and we learn much more about what's going on with Bella.

(yawn)

Wow, it's time to go to bed.

I went to school with a woman named Charmaine Casey a couple of years ago... she finally graduated last year. A couple of her films were on IMDB. I was in a bunch of the same classes with her. Last Saturday, she died... the memorial service is tomorrow. I got home from volunteer orientation at Alive Hospice to find the email. (!) In the midst of life, we are in death.

Now, that's not necessarily anything to get depressed about, which is kind of the theme of hospice volunteer training. ;) But the news about Charmaine was just so bizarre. She'd had lupus for a long time, but that has a very low mortality rate... nobody seems to know exactly what happened. Hopefully, somebody at the service will know more.

Well, y'all, there are THREE more chapters of KCOtDT waiting to be posted. So that's how many more daily updates we get (after I get them all back from my lovely beta, of course. :) Then we'll all have to wait for the next batch. Here's a little cookie to tide us all over until that happens...


+++

“Not yet,” she said. “I can only say this once. I want to get through it all. So I told Ron, and I said that I’d rather die that let you touch me now, after learning what I had. But Ron said that I couldn’t. He said that he’d come to Inverness in order to convince me not to go through with the plan, but that he’d changed his mind. I had to live, and to do what I had no choice but to do, and then… and then he’d kill you. He convinced me that you weren’t worth dying over, that you’d already had a hand in the deaths of our entire family, that you weren’t going to get me as well. Ron kept me alive, really.” She smiled twistedly. “But I think he went a bit mad in the process. Maybe I did too, I don’t know. When the Order finally got me to the right house for the raid that autumn, when Crabbe got to me first and brought me to you, when I was actually standing in front of you, and looking into your face… I didn’t know if I could do it. Remember that first night you brought me back, when you were going to rape me?”

“I didn’t do it,” said Draco. “I couldn’t. I’d never done that to anyone, and you weren’t going to be the first.”

“I know that now. At the time, though… I thought about killing you afterwards. I really did.”

“You did?” Draco asked, shocked.

Ginny nodded. “I did something that night that you never knew about. It was long before we were… well, sleeping in the same bed. You’d put me on that fold-out couch. I got up at about three o’clock in the morning; I doubt I’d slept at all. Remember that fruit bowl that was always on the dining room table? There was a little knife in it, very sharp. I took it in one hand, and I went into your bedroom.”

Draco sucked in his breath. He’d never even thought about locking the door against her.

“I stood over you for a long time, Draco, and I watched you sleep. I thought about leaning down and stabbing that little fruit knife into your carotid artery. I’d had medical training by then; I certainly knew where it was. I could have done it so quickly that you never would’ve even known what happened to you. But I…you…” She took a long, shuddery breath. “You look so young when you sleep, almost like a child. So peaceful. So beautiful. It’s funny to call a man beautiful, isn’t it? But that’s the word for you, Draco. I just kept looking at you, and finally I knew that I wasn’t going to do it. I would have died for it myself, at the hands of the other Death Eaters, but I didn’t even realize that until after I’d gone back into the other room. I didn’t care about that part of it anyway. But I kept thinking that you could have done anything you wanted with me once you got me into your rooms, that nobody even knew you had me here… you could have raped me, beaten me, tortured me, anything you liked. And you couldn’t do it. So I realized that I couldn’t, either.”

“I, uh… I’m glad you didn’t,” said Draco. I was a fool, he thought. I didn’t understand anything at all about what was really going on. Everyone was using me from all sides, and I was an oblivious pawn. Voldemort… the Death Eaters… Snape… the Order… and Ginny. But I can’t be angry at her. I just can’t. Draco remembered vividly the day that he had sat in his cell at the Ministry waiting for his trial, his heart frozen against Ginny. Some part of it had remained locked in ice ever since. He felt it melting now. The sensation filled him with so many emotions that he could not begin to sort them all out, but underlying them all was a strange sort of dread. Oh gods, what will this mean after she goes away from me, and I have to live in Azkaban without her?

Okay, y'all, I can let you know, since you're the superspecial LJ friends...
...that the smut will be in Chapters 64 and 65. Multichaptered smut!!! ;)And trust me, it's not the last smut we'll see, either.

So I was answering email when I heard a drip-drip-dripping coming from the hall. I got up and went over there to see A FLOOD. The hot water heater in the attic had decided that life was no longer worth living. >:( NOT A PRETTY PICTURE. I freaked out and frantically called friends and plumbers and the dippy landlady who is never reachable and... everybody came over with buckets and mops, and much screeching was involved. I was VERY lucky that it didn't happen:
a.) at 3:00 a.m.
b.) when I was at work
or
c.) when I was in Minnesota for a WEEK.

So hopefully, Flaky Landlady will REPLACE it.

Anyway...

Chapters 59,60,61, and 62 of KCOtDT are done, and Mylan has very graciously said she can beta them even though she just got married. Actually, I think I'll wait to send them until I have at least a couple more chapters done. It will be a Chapter-o-Rama Bonanza. :) I don't know if I can really post any cookies without giving anything away, but let's just say that one reason I want to get a few more chappies done before starting to post them is that Chapter 64 (or so) is our next Earning=the=NC-17 Rating chapter. ;)

Hi all! I just got back from my week in Minnesota. Medieval art, that Klaus Oldenberg cherry and spoon bridge that shows up everywhere, deep-fried cheese curds, and very cute baby piglets were involved. :)

I have the next two chapters of KCOtDT written, but my beta just got married. (Congrats Mylan!!) So I'm not at all sure when they'll be up. In the meantime, though, I'm writing the next chapter as a different scenario, and I think that WILL be up soon: an exploration of just what happened when Draco and Ginny first got back to that La Quinta Inn. Okay, this is a little, ahem, "different," and unfortunately has to have that ultimate in horror, the authorial self-insertion... but think of it as an experiment in writing. Here's a snippety snip snippet:

+++

She couldn't remember if he was a boy she'd kissed.

Oh, she didn't remember anything else about him either, at least, nothing clear and distinct, no more than she seemed able to recall much of anything about herself. Or anything else, really. She had simply appeared at the little cafe as if fresh-born, looking about in a daze at the round tables and the steaming, gleaming machines, hearing the low undercurrent of murmurs from all the people seating there, smelling the rich dark scent of coffee, staring blankly at the sign hung over the entrance that read "Starbucks." And he'd been there, too. He'd appeared next to her.

Anise had given a resigned sigh when she'd seen them both, and had seated them at a table, and brought them steaming cups of coffee. Ginny had wrapped her hands around the warmth of the thick ceramic mug, trying to catch at something that made sense, that brought the world into focus. Something that connected her with her past, for surely, surely she must have a past? She wondered what her name was. She thought that Anise had called her by name at least once, but the word had flitted past her ears like a bird on the wing, hurrying to someplace it wanted very much to go.

"I knew this would happen eventually, if I kept writing fanfic long enough," Anise said glumly. "A rip was bound to open in the space-time continuum sooner or later. And of course it *would* have to happen in the Starbucks of Belle Meade Village. Well, we have to make the best of it, now that you-all are here."

She'd said something more then, something about needing to wait in order to find the reason why the two of them had been sent from an alternate reality. The boy had sneered faintly, and said something in reply, in a rich, plummy, exaggerated accent. But Ginny had paid no attention to whatever his words were. She didn't think she could if she tried. Instead, she stared at his mouth, the upper lip pink and folded-looking, the other one surprisingly full and firm and fleshy.

She couldn't stop wondering if he was one of the boys she'd kissed. She had kissed more than one boy, she was sure of it.

Somehow they were walking out into the night, and Anise was pushing a small, thin plastic card into the boy's hand as Muggle cars whizzed around them.

"I've made a reservation," she said. "Now you just sit tight, you hear? Whatever you do, don't GO anywhere. Oh, okay, maybe you could walk down to the Waffle House. It's right outside the hotel. Or Walgreen's. I guess y'all could go to Walgreen's. But don't leave the block! I'll try to get this all straightened out..."

Anise put them in the back of another car with the words "Music City Taxi" painted on the side. The boy was pressed right up against the girl's waist and hip and thigh for a moment, and then he scowled and moved away from her. She kept feeling the warmth of his body long after he had gone.

They got out in front of a long, rather squat building of two stories with a blazing sign over its door. La Quinta Inn, she read. Something stirred vaguely in her memory.

An inn, she thought. I do know what that is. It's a place where travelers spend the night. So that means I'll be sleeping here. It must be dreadfully late. She cast the boy a covert glance. Would he be sleeping here too? His mouth was pressed into a thin line, and he looked far from pleased. He still had not said a single word to her.

They walked through sliding double doors that opened on their own, as if by magic. Something else stirred in the girl's mind. Magic... magic... why is that important? She debated the question with herself, absently cataloging the fact that the boy was striding forward impatiently, towards a desk where some sort of clerk was sitting. But she couldn't quite sort it out. She was trying to unknot the tangled skeins in her mind when she heard the boy's voice raised, loud and incredulous.

"What do you MEAN, there's only one room?"

YAY! I survived Teh Fourteen-Hour Class Day of Doom! :)

(Okay, in the interest of total accuracy, it ended up being more like 13 and 1/2 hours.)

Anyway, much Jin Shin Do Accupressure was learned. :) Also, we reviewed how clinic has been going and went over side-lying techniques, lower back skills, and ab work.

And, ooh, oo! Look at this:

http://harrypotterforseekers.com/articles/thedumbledorecode.php

They put up my presentation!!! :)

So, I went to the white coat ceremony at UT-Memphis med school for David, and it was meaningful and a great vicarious experience. :) Dad and Evil Stepmom didn't even show up!!! Instead, David's godparents were there. I think they were picking out our wedding invitations for us by the time the afternoon was over. Which was NOT the correct reading of the situation, but they're 80 and very sweet, and it was easier to just keep nodding. ;) My friend Rosemarie drove with me to Memphis, and we hashed over her latest Horrible Boyfriend Dramas all the way there, and all the way back. So it was a fun trip. :)

Anyway...

Here's a cookie from the next chapter of KC! It wasn't easy to pick one that didn't give everything away, let me tell you...

+++

Harry was pacing restlessly back and forth. “This doesn’t mean I like you, Malfoy,” he said, turning suddenly.

“Good, because the way Scrimgeour was putting it, it was sounding to sound a bit perverted,” said Draco. “I mean, honestly—‘give Malfoy a bit of what he needs’? ‘No punishment forbidden’? I expected him to lean down and start wanking off over me any second--”

“Shut up, Malfoy,” Harry said tensely.

Although he would rather have died than admit it, Draco could not have continued talking anyway. His little speech had taken the very last strength out of him, and he slumped against the wall next to Snape, feeling rather than seeing the dark waves that rolled at the edge of his vision. Ginny let go his hand, looking at Harry uncertainly. Harry did not even glance at her, however; he looked at Draco, and then at Snape.

“I hate both of you,” Harry said flatly. His voice was not angry, nor did it sound particularly filled with emotion. He was clearly stating plain fact.